It’s all Bonkers…….

Escalators. Wonderful things, especially if your knees are as knackered as mine. Not so good if you have a pushchair or buggy, but on balance they are a good thing. For starters they make travelling on the Tube much better as you don’t need to walk up hundreds of steps and they are a Godsend for the elderly or people with bad hearts (the dodgy ticker variety, not the “nuke ‘em all” lot). But, and it’s a biggie, why is there always someone who, on stepping off the top or bottom of the escalator, decides to stand still? What is it in someone’s brain that suddenly makes the idea of standing still so attractive when there are several dozen people immediately behind you all travelling at speed and with no way of stopping? And then, after you have banged into them from behind they look at you as if it was your fault? What on earth is going through their minds? 

It’s the same again at the entrances to supermarkets where you have to go through some sort of a barrier. No sooner do some people get through then they stop and have a look around or fumble in their handbag, thereby ensuring you bash into them with your trolley. Even if you manage to stop in time its guaranteed that you will get bumped by the people behind you. Its no fun having to limp around Tescos when you have been hobbled by a trolley. Try explaining to the person behind you that it was the other persons fault when by now they will have walked off and left you standing there like a Pratt. Perhaps there should be chevrons marked on the floor and signs that say no stopping or keep two chevrons distance between trolleys?

Later, in the same supermarket, you are standing in the till lane patently waiting your turn, using the waiting time to make sure your credit or debit card is easily to hand for when its time to pay. Unfortunately the person in front of you (no doubt related to the earlier person at the entrance) decides to get their payment method ready only after their shopping has all been passed through the till. Invariably it’s somewhere hidden in the black hole like recesses of their handbag or purse and takes them an age to find.

Whilst on the subject of supermarkets, why do people insist on engaging in long conversations right by the exit? Trying to manoeuvre around half a dozen or so fully laden trolleys, especially when yours is guaranteed to be the one with the dodgy wheel, is no fun at all. Entrances should have boxed zones, like on the road, where you cant stop and can only enter when the exit is clear.

And then there’s the twit in the shop queue, normally the one at the back that hasn't been waiting as long as you have, yet decides to start complaining loudly at the only assistant serving. What’re they meant to do, magic another feckin person out of thin air? So now its your turn to be served and they are peed off so you get the full brunt of it whilst the fecker at the back with the big mouth decided it wasn't that important anyway and has f*cked off. Agggh.

Whilst out and about I’d seriously like to have the super power of seeing five seconds in advance so that I’d know whether or not the person you let go in front of you, held open the door for or let pass through in the car is going to say thank you or not. How many times has some ignorant sh*te not even said thank you or flashed their lights in recognition. How hard is it for them to simply raise a few fingers on the steering wheel or nod and smile? Double Agggh.

Yup, it’s definitely all bonkers.